Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Robin Williams

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I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.
Angelina Jolie

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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
Woody Allen

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On the name 'Apple': Steve came up with it. I do remember that one. I picked him up at the San Francisco airport and I was driving down the Bay on 101 and then on 85, and it was on 85 that he said, 'Oh, I've got a name for the company. Apple Computer.' Both of us were sitting there trying to come up with techie names that were clever, but nothing was going to be better than Apple. And I said, 'But what about Apple Records?' (Which is funny because we're still having problems with them.) And he said, 'They're a different company.'
Steve Wozniak

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After marriage, the other man's wife looks more beautiful.
Navjot Singh Sidhu

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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
Woody Allen

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I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
Robin Williams

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Laughter is such a healthy exercise. Somebody is laughing -- that's perfectly good exercise, join him. Somebody is being playful -- if you have time, join him.
Osho

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Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter.
Friedrich Nietzsche

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It's better to be a pirate than to join the Navy.
Steve Jobs

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The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like 'Mad Men' is disgusting. It's a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it.
Jonah Hill

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